Day 11- 100 Day Project
One thing I’ve discovered about being on a healing journey is you really find out who your real friends and allies are.
When I finally started standing up for myself to some people I thought were “friends” and started saying “Hey! This isn’t right! Don’t treat me like that!” some people just disappeared.
I’ve learned since that they were used to treating me a certain way, (and that I allowed it by accepting it) and when I finally did something about it, they didn’t understand why or why their actions were suddenly hurtful – because I’d simply taken it for so long – so they just left, never to be heard from again. Essentially, the trash took itself out.
And, it is a big root of all the messed up dysfunctional f*mily stuff I’ve been unearthing and unpacking over the past couple of years. They did the same thing. Didn’t like it when I finally spoke up for myself and for my husband, questioning their twisted control and bizarre stories, so they went into attack mode, then disappeared when I didn’t roll over and go back to my garbage can/scapegoat role like I used to.
So now, I’m over 2 years out of that, and so much has changed. SO much.
I’m just doing my thing. Life is peaceful and fun. I still can’t believe how much my stress and anxiety has gone down, and I can finally be me.
And I keep thinking, if they could see me now, but, they never really “saw” me to begin with, so they wouldn’t recognize me anyway. They only saw the version that they created to serve their own needs, the scapegoat, the garbage can, the one to deflect blame onto, the one to silence to avoid themselves from being exposed or attacked, or ultimately get disinherited like I was. Things they denied and refused to accept even with undeniable evidence proving them wrong.Instead they changed the story. Moved the end posts. As always.
They lost me because they couldn’t and wouldn’t see. That person they created never existed in actual reality. If they came looking for her, they’d never find her. She’s gone. Found her light and her strength and walked away.
If they could see me now they wouldn’t recognize me one bit.
And that’s a really awesome thing.