The 4th prompt in Coloricombo, Banana, Marshmallow, Sky.
There’s a moment (or many of them) in a healing journey where it’s a huge aha moment. Things start to click and fall into place, things make sense, and you can shed the old “you” in bigger and bigger chunks.
Pre no-contact with the former f*mily, I was always soooo afraid to do anything too far outside the “norm”.
Stay in line and you’re safe (although still treated like shit, mind you.).
Anything I *did* do that wasn’t “approved” was mocked or comments made to make me feel small and stupid once again- bad scapegoat bad bad!
It felt like nobody cared (they didn’t) and I was invisible to them. I didn’t count, I was never included in things like f*mily events unless I planned them, and left out of important news and f*mily discussions.
It was designed to control and keep me small, to stay in line, and not talk about the shit they were up to.
After leaving that fucked up mess behind, I realized that I do have a voice.
People actually do like me- this one took a looooong time to understand, when somebody told me I was a nice person, I didn’t believe them.
And you feel like your brain is exploding with all this stuff you can finally do and be and learn, without worrying what some nasty person is going to say.
You mean I can post a photo of my dog on my social media & not be called a loser?
You mean I can wear what I want, and dye my hair pink, and not be called a weirdo or be told I should wear xyz instead or that I looked better with this style hair or that style?
Yeah baby. You know it.
And you know what, it’s sooo liberating and freeing to know I was never the shitty person they smeared around, and things I did were never wrong or bad.
I was always me, I just had to keep her safe until I was out.
And I’m SO glad I finally got out.
My brain is relieved and relaxed and now I can really just be myself.
I hope that if you’re on a journey of your own that you find this place too. It’s worth it. And you’re worth it.
#coloricombo #coloricombosept #healingjourney #happy place #escapegoat